Jezebel reports: Unfortunately, this cover story is not about how Kris Jenner is secretly a forked-tongue Godzilla-like lizard creature. Instead, it’s part two of the “Kardashian Diaries,” journals “obtained” by the magazine via Ellen Kardashian, widow of the late Robert Kardashian. The dead man’s handwritten thoughts and private memos are printed in the mag, and it’s all random shit that happened a long fucking time ago. Worse, the mag plans on doing this crap again next week in “part three.” But! There are some fun old pictures, in which you can see Kim before her nose job.
Also inside: Bethenny is a “prisoner” in her own 3,400 square foot penthouse. Britney Spears has been confiding in K-Fed, because she needs someone to talk to, and ironically, he’s been the stable one. Bradley Cooper has been dumped by model Laura Simpson: After a few dates, he kept asking her to text him pictures of her feet; a friend says, “It was weird, so she broke it off.” Dancing With the Stars fans, be advised: Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovsky are officially dating and in love. Last, but not least, “Did I Really Do That?” explains that Lady Gaga is an origami crane and Kanye West is Jon Snow.